We named our party play list daddy issues
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
