Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
