other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
