so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
