There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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