It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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