I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
