things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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