Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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