I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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