I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I pour the whiskey from now on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
