you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
