My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
