that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
