i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
