How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
