I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
