I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize