If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
