She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Fuck appropriateness.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
