I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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