I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
