Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
