please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
