I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
