Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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