just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize