I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
