It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Randomize
