Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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