On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
