i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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