I puked a lego.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I had your ass I would rule the world
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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