All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize