Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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