I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
