Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
