We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize