im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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