My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
