What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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