Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
