I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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