There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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