When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
