"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
