Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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