before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
