dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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