Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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