When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
