so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
