she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
