I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
