So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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