I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
