I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
