who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
