Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
