Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
