worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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