im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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