does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
