return my video game
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize