im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
false alarm, still single
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
