I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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