Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
